The Art of Bribery

I am a person who has never been comfortable in any way to confront a situation involving bribery. I just somehow cant grab the hints these ‘People’ offer neither do I figure out how to go about it. Needless to say with the amount of corruption in India, it isn’t that hard to learn as and when the need arises.

Scene: A visit to the Village Office

Purpose of Visit: Requesting OBC Certificate

Belonging to the OBC Category [Other Backward Classes] has a lot of advantages as all my fellow colleagues know. Being born and brought up outside India, it never struck me or my parents how important the certificates proving your religion, caste and creed are in the Indian scenario.

1330hrs: Arrive at village office, fill necessary application forms.

1345hrs: Meet Village Officer, verifies documents. Finds fault with one (apparently not genuine). Asks me to come back next day.

1430hrs: I come home, Pull a few strings. (Told to meet a middle man at the office. He will be waiting for me)

1630hrs: Arrive at village office, rings the middle man up. He sets up an appointment with the Village officer. (He repeatedly specifies I meet him ‘after’ the job at hand is done)

1700hrs: Requested Certificate ready

1715hrs: Meets middle man. He is seated with a number of his colleagues past the normal working hrs. I tell him I got the thing done and hands over an envelope (Rs.500/- ).

Middle man: “No, No, it is ok. I do not need anything, This is just a small job.”

Me: “Are you sure?” .

Middle Man: “No worries”

1730hrs: Call from the party (the strings):

“Why did you not give the money?”.

Me: ”I repeatedly asked him and he said No thanks.”

“Did you give it in front of the others?”

Me: “Yes, only his colleagues, no one else.”

“Ayyooo. Now look what you did! Of course he will not take anything in front of others!”

Me: “Sorry?”

“Its ok now. I will collect the money later from you”

Inference:

There are certain etiquettes, norms which as an Indian citizen we should follow when it comes to bribing someone.
Since corruption as we all know is so common wherever we turn.. it might as well be better if we had some book on ‘10 Easy ways to bribe your way Around’ 😉

India is ranked at a dismal 87th in the Transparency International ranking of countries. Only we can help us.

8 responses

chriscaff

Mar 5, 2011

Hi Dr Babu. how confusing for you! I’m so glad we don’t have to work in a world like this. i, too am very poor at understanding these hidden rules and emanings. give me a clear set of parameters very time. Better still, commune with nature. It’s usually much more honest and strightforward.

1. Dr Babu
  
  Mar 5, 2011
  
  Thanks for reading my post Chris. It is a strange world in this part. You are spot on with nature, You get only what you give. Man and his maladies..
  
Zenil Shroff

Mar 16, 2011

haha lol, absolutely true, this gov. officials are shameless fellows.

1. Dr Babu
  
  Mar 16, 2011
  
  Hi Zenil, thanks for visiting my blog. Have to admit, government officials are one big bribe network. So difficult to get anything done.
  
umesh derebail

Mar 16, 2011

I tried to bribe the court clerks and was roaming with Rs 50 currency, to my dismay nobody dared to take, maybe because i was wearing a khaki uniform type of dress

1. Dr Babu
  
  Mar 16, 2011
  
  Exactly umesh, so hard to know who needs to be bribed and who is normal!!
  
Kavya

Apr 26, 2011

Lol.Very true . A guide on navigating Indian red tapist bureaucracy will come in handy for the ill prepared Indian

1. Dr Babu
  
  Apr 27, 2011
  
  Exactly.. but we can always hope for a better tomorrow. Thanks for commenting 🙂